Handbook for Personal Catastrophe

As I am no stranger to this feeling that the world is lost and you’re left to clean up the mess, I feel obligated to share with you some tips and tricks for maintaining your sanity as you pilot the ship over the waterfall. You wouldn’t be so foolish as to think you could come about and see if you can outswim the river. If you were that naive, you’d have picked up this book in the self-help section on properly sticking it to the man. As this is not a manual for masochism, if you did find it there, please return it to its rightful place in absurdist satire, right next to the author’s biography of the same title.

Many of us encounter catastrophe in our daily lives. If you’ve ever experienced a baby crying, you’ll understand what I mean. As an aside, I offer this story about babies and airplanes for your enrichment:

When I hear babies crying on airplanes, I don’t think about how much of an inconvenience it is that this creature is shrieking on this crowded plane. I think “I totally feel your pain. My ears hurt, too. If it were socially acceptable, I’d give you some bourbon to get you through it. That seems to work for me. Or at least it takes the edge off.”

Observant readers will note that this is a blog, not a book, and that there is no book store section that sells copies of blog posts. Well, more observant readers have gleaned that this blog is fodder for future publications. I mostly just get drunk on shitty days and type until I can’t see straight. Then, I close one eye, and keep going. At some point, I come back and read what I wrote with a sober(ish) perspective to see if it still resonates. If so, I publish the piece. So, I suppose you could measure my level of personal strife by the belligerent truth of my blog posts. Take today for instance…

In summary, I realize I’ve provided no context, nor thesis, nor problem space, and certainly no possible solutions for dealing with personal catastrophe. So, I’m punting. Uh, I dunno. Try yoga or pot smoking. Or booze. Or all of the above, together! Most of all, try to avoid the bullshit that inspires you to read posts like this beyond the title. Most of my personal catastrophes are of my own making, so there must be some wisdom in that. We chose this path, and that’s what we’ll own. Everything else, well, that’s just out of our hands. If it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer to swan dive over the waterfall. But I’m a diva like that. Witness my glory!

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